While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
