Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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