he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
