Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
