I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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