tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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