Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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