I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
