If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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