Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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