he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
