I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
