I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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