i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
