You really coming over, don't trick.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
