doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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