Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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