One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
