We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
