:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
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Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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