WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
