Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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