I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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