Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
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