Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
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Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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