This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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