I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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