As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
