I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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