i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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