Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
