Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
