pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
