I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
