FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
