i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you win again, gameday.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
