I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
