Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
