I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
