the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
