I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
