i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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