so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
