I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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