Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
