Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
