you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
