So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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