You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
