i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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