i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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