He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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