I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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