you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
