Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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