I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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