Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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