i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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