My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
