Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
