very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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