You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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