I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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