Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
