Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
