I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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