May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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