went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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