Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
