She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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