If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
