Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
