i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
